


Let It Be Me

by Jsscshvlr



Category: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Idiots in Love, Light Angst, Mutual Pining, mentions of depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-22
Updated: 2020-09-22
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:00:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26602606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jsscshvlr/pseuds/Jsscshvlr
Summary: That's when you need someone, someone that you, you can call when all your faith is gone, and it feels like you can't go on, let it be me.
Relationships: Michelle Jones/Peter Parker
Comments: 22
Kudos: 52
Collections: The Spideychelle Shuffle





	Let It Be Me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [soperiso](https://archiveofourown.org/users/soperiso/gifts).



The sky is his favourite shade of blue and there are a few clouds in the sky. It's his favourite season, but he can’t find the strength to care. He can only see the colour of the sky see from his position on the couch. Where he has been for 37 hours. He did have a shower and brush his teeth this morning so that's a win he guesses. Then he remembers he hasn’t even been to the grave today, hasn’t bought the carnations and the flower stall closes at 2. He hates himself.

Peter didn't mean to spend the entirety of Wednesday and all of Thursday morning laying on the couch but he physically cannot get up. It's a long weekend so he assumes he'll live on the couch until Monday evening. Every time he thinks he could go and get some water, he gets knocked sideways by grief. It's been 10 years, and every year he's completely bowled over by how much he misses Ben. 

This year is worse. A decade. It's been a decade since he last saw him, since he failed him. He usually spends the day with May and or Ned, but May is on holiday. Something he strategically organised because she deserves the world. And Ned had an interview that he offered umpteen times to cancel, but as if. It's just one day. He can cope on his own.

Then there's MJ. Michelle has never experienced Peter on an anniversary before because he's only had the pleasure of knowing her for 9 months. Without a doubt, the best 9 months of his life. He's fucked it up though. Obviously. In his nervousness for this day, he hadn't been sleeping and he'd been snippy and rude. Ned knows his unreasonable and borderline unhealthy coping mechanisms by now so just leaves him be. But Michelle, she just tried to help and he ruined it by turning it into an argument.

He can still picture her face, plastered in confusion at how he was possibly stretching everything she said so far. "Pete you know that's not what I mean! What the fuck is going on?" Why he didn't just tell her all about his insecurities he doesn't know. He tells her everything else. He'd give her anything she asked for. She could have his heart if she wanted it. He's desperate to give it to her.

But how do you tell the person who means the most to you in the world, that you're terrified you'll never find someone to love you the way you love them. That the thought of not having a love like Ben and May's keeps him up at night. That all he wants is for someone to notice things about him that he doesn't have to vocalise. To know someone so intimately.

He wants someone to know that on this day he can only eat homemade apple pie because it reminds him of Ben. That he has to eat it with hot custard and ice cream otherwise he can't keep it down. He desperately wants someone to know he needs flowers on this day. That seeing a bouquet filled with Ben and May's favourite flowers means he can breathe easier. To know that maybe he wants his favourite to be in there too, but he gets too embarrassed to ask for them. He can't find the words to describe how badly he wants someone to watch Scrubs with him, because it was Ben's guilty pleasure and he used to commentate each episode. How he can't bring himself to watch it alone, because he doesn't have the eloquence to describe the relationships on screen. 

So he didn't tell her out of shame and turned everything she tried to say into a needless argument until she left. That was on Tuesday and despite the fact she texted him last night, something he doesn't deserve, he's been radio silent. He knows he isn't helping himself and he knows it's selfish but he cannot find the energy to lift his arms and get his phone. 

He misses her. He misses her so much, but what can he say? Sorry, I was a twat, please come make me feel better? I need you? He doesn't think he's ever actually told her the anniversary date, so he'd be surprised if she even knew what was going on. Probably just hated him now. She's always been honest about what she wanted from friendships, relationships. "Just don't lie to me." Perfect. She already knew he was Spiderman, there's nothing else to keep from her. Of course, this was delusional. He knew three weeks after Ned introduced her as his work friend that he was in love with her. And that she was entirely out of his league. 

He's wallowing, he has no idea what the time is. Maybe midday. Nothing has touched his mouth in over 30 hours and he's so thirsty, so uncomfortably hungry. Maybe he could eat something that's not homemade apple pie. A pitiful whine escapes his throat at the thought. Good God. He's berating himself internally but making absolutely no moves to get off the couch. A ridiculously dangerous game to play.

A key turning in the lock lifts the depression cloud from suffocating to crushing. Is Ned back? That's way too early, that means he hasn't got the job, and it's Ned so clearly he has. Maybe May came home early? He half hopes she has because he's painfully lonely. But the stronger half hopes she stayed. She deserves an anniversary full of love and happiness. 

He doesn't have time to wonder who it could be because she's walking through the door. 

Michelle.

* * *

"Hey, Pete." She's nervous, she's like 90% sure he doesn't want her here. But Ned is out of town and May is on holiday. She knows his love language is physical contact. And she loves him. So here she is.

Peter doesn't say anything so swallowing her instant regret she walks through the apartment and places the shopping bag on the kitchen counter, and her overnight bag on the table to the back of the room. When she turns to face the back of the couch she can see Peter has sat up to look at her. He still hasn't spoken. Ned warned her he might be temporarily mute so she tries not to let it affect her. 

Moving to the kitchen side she unpacks the bag and turns the oven on. Peter doesn't need to talk to her, it's fine. She can be there for him anyway. She _wants_ to be. Turning the tap to fill a vase she found at the back of the cupboard makes Peter's shoulders tense but he settles down when she puts it on the counter. She unwraps one of the bunches of flowers she bought from Roy's. She's seen photos of May's wedding so she hopes she picked the flowers well. 

Walking to place them on the windowsill so Peter can see them from where he is, she fiddles with a few stems and turns around. 

"What are they for?" Peter asks with a watery voice. When she looks up at him she can see tears brimming in his eyes. 

"Oh. Well, I just noticed you like flowers when you're down, you know cause Spring is your favourite season because-” she does the best mimic of his voice _"the flowers MJ! They're just starting their lives_ " she hums a laugh “-but you can't see any from this apartment. Erm, so I got you these." She says pointing uselessly to the flowers as if his gaze hasn't been stuck on them since she turned.

"Huh. Thank you - thanks-" he clears his throat and sniffs "-did you pick them yourself?"

"Mmm, yeah. Lillies because I recognised them from May's wedding bouquet so I gathered you weren't allergic or anything. Erm, pink carnations because that's, erm, what you put on Ben's grave-" she takes a deep breath, the next part makes her nervous "- the white roses are for you. You're a romantic, so obviously they're your favourite flower. And erm, the forget-me-nots are mine. So, I hope that's okay. I have another bunch of carnations, I didn’t know if you’d been yet today. But you can have them, I can come with you if you want that." 

* * *

He adores her. Completely and utterly. There has never been someone like Michelle Jones. 

She's wringing her hands as if she's nervous like she has been the entire time she's been here. As if this isn't the happiest he's been in weeks. He has to risk it all. He’d willfully die for her, he can spare himself a few minutes of awkwardness. It’s not like she’d ever stop being his friend just because she didn’t feel the same way. He can tell her.

"I love-" _you. I love you._ "-them. Thank you."

She nods her head and goes towards the kitchen. There are some noises he can't place because he's so in awe of her, and annoyed at his lack of action. She noticed the flowers. It's all he's ever wanted and he is barely keeping it together. He loves her. But he can't tell her now. Not when he's been an arsehole for a week. Not when she clearly knows he's depressed as fuck. It’ll feel like a guilt trip. He wants her to know he loves her even when she's not here. When she's not helping him. He wants her to know he'd love her for the rest of his life even if he never saw her again.

She takes something out of her bag and points to the bathroom. Dammit, she isn't staying. She's clearly going somewhere. Where is she going? Can he go with her? He hopelessly wants too. Will there ever be another day when he doesn’t want her right here? He can feel himself sinking back into the nest of sadness that started to uncoil the second Michelle walked through the door. He hears the bathroom door open and oh. She's in pyjamas. She's not leaving. She's staying here. With him. 

Is that his top?! God he _loves_ her.

"Hey. So, do you wanna eat on the couch or at the table?" Oh no. She's made him food and he's not going to be able to keep it down. Why is he _like_ this? He so badly wants to eat whatever she's made. She made him something. His heart is so full, but it's taking his brain too long to catch up because he still feels a sense of emptiness. But MJ made him something. He can do this. It's just food. It's just emotions. 

"The couch then." She replies when he gives her nothing. "So, I made like 9 of these because I wanted you to like it, and I swear I followed the recipe May gave me but if it's wrong it's okay. You don't have to eat it. I can go get you something else."

No. She hasn't. She can't have.

He can't. He physically cannot love her anymore. 

"So I didn't know if it was just the pie that had to be homemade. So I made ice cream too but full disclosure it takes like eggs. So hopefully the store-bought is okay?" She's biting her lip like she's nervous. Like she can't tell how gone he is for her. Like she didn't make him _nine_ whole pies to make him feel better. 

Walking over to the counter he tells her the store-bought is perfect but he wants to try hers as well and she goes to hit his arm and he catches her hand. 

"Em." He tries. His voice is thick with emotion. What is he even going to say? How could you possibly thank someone for this?

"Hey, it's okay. Don't worry about it. Go put Scrubs on and I'll dish. Hot custard, right?" He nods, dumbstruck as ever. She smiles back at him and he's never seen something as breathtaking. "Be prepared because I have thoughts about how Carla and Turk are portrayed and you will hear about them." She squeezes his hand and pushes him back into the living area. 

He does as she says, obviously. Tries to reign in the emotions, the level of feeling he has for her. He's so overcome because she hasn't told him to stop, or to get a grip, or to go outside. She just came to where he was comfortable and inserted herself. Made him feel cloaked in love, as opposed to the devastation he usually feels on this day. He's so unbelievably in love with her. He wants to tell her, fully aware she won't feel it back. But the possibility that she does? Or that she could? It's enough for him. He never wants to spend another day away from her.

She joins him on the couch, one of her legs tucked under the other and she’s too far away from him. Carefully, of course, he grabs her ankle and pulls her closer, until she’s pressed next to him. He can see the flowers from here. He can see her overnight bag that she clearly intends to use to stay here, from here. He can see the pie she made, and the pastry that has been cut into hearts, from here. He can see his entire future right in front of him. And he so desperately wants it.

"Em-' "How is it?" They laugh and she's looking at him and what else is he supposed to do? Not kiss her? Not confess his undying love? Grow up.

He swallows thickly and puts his bowl on the coffee table, she follows suit. 

He can do this. He could write novels about the things he loves about her. A sermon about her hair. A film about her neck. He just needs to find the courage to tell the best thing in his life, that he loves her. He has to tell her. 

“I love you.” She says. 

“Yeah. _Wait, what?_ You love me?” He asks dumbly. Idiot. 

“Yeah, dork, I love you.” She says smiling. He’s going to look up whether or not you can legally get married from the couch.

“I love you too. I love you so much. I was about to tell you I swear! I love you.” He says inching closer to her until his hand is on the side of the neck, fingers tensing behind her ear, and his other hand is by her hip. 

“Mhmmmm” she replies while snaking her arms around his neck and he feels so safe here. He’s thinking about how hard it’s going to be to kiss her when his mouth is stretched like the grand canyon but she wears a similar, albeit much prettier, smile.

They make it work. 

Later, they’ll finish the pie and go and place flowers on Ben’s grave. Later, he’ll tell Ben for the nth time how lucky he is to have found Michelle. Later, he’ll whisper at Ben’s grave that he’s definitely going to marry this girl. Later, he’ll tell Michelle Ben would have adored her. 

Later. 

**Author's Note:**

> I woke up today depressed AF so I decided to project, it is what it is!
> 
> Song: Let it be me - Ray LaMontagne
> 
> Come say hi on tumblr! @i-lovethatforme
> 
> Okay love you bye x


End file.
